RP Stories
by Donteatacowman
Summary: Bits and pieces from my roleplay account, Cagedingold, who in short is the Thief King's ghost from the Ring hanging around in the modern day. He has a body made of Shadows that he can manipulate. Over the past several millennia he's had various adventures that he's boasted about, so I thought I'd post them here for posterity. T for possible language/mature themes. Oh, and violence


_Excerpt from a roleplay with doctorbakura on Tumblr. They are comparing (i.e. boasting about) their criminal record._ "Hmm. Recent?" He took another swig of his drink before starting his story. "Let's see. This one may not be the grandest of My heists, but in terms of gross plunder, it ranks pretty highly~ "Several months ago I became aware of a scam artist centered here in Domino. Went by Saito, though that's so common I'm guessing it's a fake name. He'd started out with the small-time, small-risk stuff, like cheating grannies over the telephone and spam emails. He seemed intelligent enough—he'd done other petty crime like identity theft and credit card fraud, nothing I don't do every weekend, but as he'd gotten richer, his influence grew. By the time I heard of him, he'd had a whole small system going of embezzlement and the like, along with a veritable army of hackers to get him inside bank and government websites. "Well, of course I had to admire that level of entrepreneurship. So I followed him around for a bit, confirming what I already knew, before confronting him and presenting Myself as Touzoku, a small-time bandit who wanted to learn the tools of the trade for bigger things. He saw Me as someone to take advantage of, like I wanted him to, and sent Me on petty errands like small jewelry heists and domestic break-ins. He got about 90% of the profits from those, of course, but that was the cost of winning his trust. "Saito was only thirty or so, and from what I could tell, was pretty lonely outside of his work activities. He was well-off but brash and opinionated, more than a bit racist, and unattractive, so it was no wonder. I think in this case it was at least partially that racism that did him in—he always had a gun on him, so he wasn't scared of any 'big black men', and My skin's dark enough for him to think of himself as much more intelligent than I." He snorted, and finished up his second beer. "Anyway, I gained his trust, started spending time with him outside working hours. It took some commitment, and investment in too many completely useless hobbies so I could be an 'enthusiast' like him—I know now far more about the Illuminati and UFO spottings than I ever cared to—but it was worth it. Saito was straight as a ruler, but I swear I could have gotten him in bed with Me after the first few days of hanging out with him, he was that excited to find someone so similar to him, who empathized with all his struggles. "So I suppose in that respect, he wasn't nearly as intelligent as he was in his career. "Anyway, after only a few weeks of leading questions scattered among the blathering about conspiracy theories, and a little more spying of sorts, some rifling around in his file drawer the couple times he left the room, I had all the information I wanted. With a bit of bullshit about the government probably catching onto him and infiltrating his hacking network, I convinced him to fire his hackers, making him think it was his own idea, of course. The brilliant man decided to put Me in charge of their access codes and such to wrap up loose ends, since I'd let him know early on that I was 'an expert' on bank software." He snickered. "After that was done, all that was left was to kill the man, which Saito made easy—just some devil's helmet in his daily tea. When the vomiting set in, I encouraged him to head to bed, and stuck around solely out of worry for his health. By the time he got worried enough to call the authorities, I took care of it for him, though perhaps My call didn't exactly make it through, h-heh. After the heart attack I called the hospital, but he was dead, and since I wasn't a relative I opted out of riding with his body to see if there was anything they could do. "Long story short, because I had access not only to his personal accounts but to those of banks and strangers he'd conned, I made out with almost three billion yen. It's mostly offshore under a false name, getting interest and saving up for a rainy day." He flashed a smirk at the doctor, clearly impressed with himself and expecting the man to be floored by the number. 


End file.
